There is nothing more brutal and heartbreaking than realizing the man you loved so much never loved you back. To be in a relationship for so long and not be loved back is painful. If you find yourself looking for signs he never loved you at all, then don’t be sorrowful. You are not alone. Many have faced this and come out stronger than ever.
18 Signs He Never Loved You
Love is the key component of every relationship. If there are any signs he doesn’t love you or he never loved you, then what’s the point of such a relationship? You might as well break it off and be single and happy. Don’t stay in an unfulfilling relationship just because you’re too scared of the pain of heartbreak. There are ways to find happiness after a breakup and heal completely. You can love someone with every fiber of your being. Yet, the sad truth is, the other person may not love you back. You need to keep in mind that you are not accountable for his feelings. You have done what was yours to do by showering him with love, respect, and compassion. It’s not your fault that he doesn’t feel the same way about you. If you are asking how to know if someone never loved you, scroll below and find out:
1. Lack of communication
When there is a lack of communication in a relationship, everything starts to fall apart. When you are in love with someone, there is an inherent need and desire to talk to them all the time. To get to know everything about them. To know how their day went. To know the tiniest details about their meetup with friends. To know how their professional life is going. When all of that stops, it is one of the signs he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore and doesn’t want to make the effort to improve the quality of the relationship. Just understanding why communication is important for a relationship isn’t enough. What matters is how you implement this knowledge to strengthen your connection. If he doesn’t care about what you said in a conversation or neglects you even when you try to connect with him, it is one of the sure signs he never loved you at all.
2. You were never his first priority
The key to a happy and healthy life is learning to balance your personal and professional life. By saying he never put you first, I am not saying that he should choose you over everyone else all the time. I’m talking about the will to build a balanced relationship with your significant other, which is inherently lacking when a partner doesn’t love you. I have experienced this first-hand with my former partner who never loved me, just used me. Whenever he would go out with his friends, I was never invited nor informed. However, often when we had plans, he would ditch them to go hang out with his buddies. It crushed me and that’s when I realized he didn’t love me. It’s not like he has to choose you over his friends or family or work, but to not matter at all and have all your plans dumped most of the time? Yeah, not on. My current partner, however, is on the other end of the spectrum. His actions reassure me that I matter. Here are some things he does every time he goes out with his friends or colleagues:
He calls me up from his drive back home to ask if I would like to grab some ice cream He comes home and we snuggle on the couch and watch a movie of my choiceHe draws a bath for me and cooks while I unwind
Thanks to him, I’ve realized that little things go a long way in sustaining a loving relationship and that there are many cute ways to strengthen relationships.
3. He was never interested in meeting your friends and family
We all have friends and family we would love to introduce to special people in our lives. It’s the same with a man you are madly in love with. If he refused to meet your inner circle, then it is certain he never loved you. Even if he did meet your family, he wouldn’t have made an effort to get to know them or attended any events he was invited to. It just goes to show how precious little you mattered to him. If he really loved you, he would have wanted to meet your family and get to know them. After all, introducing your SO to your parents is a big relationship milestone that indicates that things are getting serious.
4. He makes zero effort
How does a relationship work? It works when two people put in the same amount of effort to nourish and sustain it. No less, no more. It has to be equal from both sides. When a relationship becomes one-sided, it gets tiresome. Effort in a relationship is extremely crucial. My ex, he never loved me, just used me, and that was noticeable in his patterns. I noticed how he put absolutely no effort into keeping the relationship alive. Making an effort is not about grand gestures, it can be as simple and easy as:
Calling you to check if you’ve reached home safelyTaking you out for dinner to your favorite restaurantComforting you when you are down in the dumps
If you are asking how to know if someone never loved you, think about the amount of effort he put into the relationship. Did the things he did for you make you feel loved and cared for?
5. Nothing about you interested him besides sex
If the only thing he was expecting out of your dinner date was sex, then it’s a big red flag. There are many ways to know if he loved you or was with you just for sex. One such sign is that he was affectionate only while having sex with you. Sex is an intimate act, and most definitely an important aspect of any relationship. According to a study, physical touch is one of the top 2 common love languages for men. So it is understandable that sex may big part of how a man expresses his love and affection. However, if he only spent time with you to have sex and left soon after, or most of your dates revolved around sex, with very little of anything else, then it’s a sign that he doesn’t love you.
6. He threatened to leave you before actually leaving you
I can’t tell you the number of times I’d received break-up threats from my ex. It’s one of the subtle forms of emotional abuse. He would bring it up while we were texting, over phone calls, and even when we were out having a good time. At least I thought we were having a good time. It was only in hindsight that I realized that he never liked me. If he doesn’t threaten to leave you but instead says you can leave whenever you want, that’s also one of the answers to how to know if someone never loved you. An exit door to a relationship only opens when the love has faded. If he opens that door for you, I suggest you walk out immediately.
7. He never trusted you
Did he accuse you of cheating on him or not loving him enough? Well then, that’s definitely one of the signs he never loved you and had trust issues. A relationship survives on trust and studies suggest a lack of trust adversely affects the relationship. If your relationship doesn’t have the trust element, then you might as well move on. If he constantly checked your phone, then there was no evidence of love in that relationship. There’s no way he could have loved you without trusting you. If you are wondering how to know if someone never loved you, pay attention to the level of trust he had in you.
8. He never compromised
The willingness to compromise is one of the significant things that every relationship demands. You can’t always have your way and he can’t always have his. If he never compromised, then it’s one of the signs of a selfish boyfriend. The ability to compromise comes only when there is true love involved. If he never compromised, then that means he never liked you in the first place. If he always insisted on doing things his own way, if the two of you did the things that only he liked, watched the shows that only he enjoyed, ate only at his favorite restaurants, then he never really cared about your interests and likes.
9. Acting like you are a burden
If you are asking how to know if someone never loved you, then answer this – did he act like you were a burden to him? Did your needs become a burden to him and you, a source of inconvenience? If yes, then those are sure-shot signs he pretended to love you. It’s also a selfish way to try to make you feel inferior.
10. He abused you
It doesn’t matter if it was physical, mental, or verbal abuse. What matters is he had the inclination to harm you in the name of love. When you are in a relationship with someone and you truly love them, you can’t even dream of hurting them. When a man tries to physically harm you, that’s when you realize he never loved you. Abuse doesn’t necessarily begin with direct physical harm. It starts when his tone gets louder when you are arguing. It will slowly shift to throwing things around you. It’s wrong even if his throw isn’t aimed at you. There’s a famous saying that before he punches you, he will punch the wall near you. This is one of the most alarming signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
11. He never expressed his love
There can be many ways of expressing love – by indulging in sweet and romantic gestures, by pampering someone, or just by spending quality time with them, watching a movie, or cooking together – and this expression can be unique to a person. But, as long as there is love, it will exist in some form or the other. If he wasn’t romantic with you, then it’s time you start accepting that he never loved you. Do you even remember the last time you felt loved by him? Or did you constantly feel lonely, disrespected, and ignored? Well, that’s what one-sided love looks like.
12. He never spoke about the future
When you love someone, you want to have a future with them. To move in with them, get married, and have babies together. If he never spoke about a future with you, then it means he never loved you and it is one of the signs he will never come back to you. There’s no point in being in a committed relationship that doesn’t have a future. Has he ever asked questions like where you would want to live a few years down the line or made long-term plans involving you? If not, it means he never saw or wanted you in his future. That’s reasoning enough for you to start accepting that he never loved you.
13. He brought up other women
Did he bring up other women just to make you feel insecure and jealous? He can’t claim to love you if he rubs the existence of other women in your face and boasts about it. It is not healthy jealousy in relationships if the purpose is only to hurt you. If he did that, it’s one of the clear signs was not into you. He never respected you either. In a healthy relationship, your partner will strive his best to make you feel secure, instead of feeling betrayed. You should be glad the relationship is over. It was toxic and you deserve better.
14. Cheating is one of the signs he never loved you
Cheating is a dealbreaker in most relationships. Even if you forgive a significant other for their transgressions and give the relationship another chance, the cracks remain. It takes monumental effort from both partners to rebuild a relationship after infidelity but the lion’s share of the work falls on the cheating partner. If he continued cheating on you even after you forgave him for breaking your trust, it’s an indicator that he never loved you. Cheating exhibits a lack of love and respect for a partner. His cheating on you multiple times was him just taking advantage of your love for him. It takes an immense amount of love and strength to forgive a cheating partner. An amount of love he certainly didn’t deserve.
15. He moved on right after the breakup
The moment it became clear that he never liked me was when my ex moved on right after the breakup. He began dating a week after we broke up and had a few rebound relationships. And within the next couple of months, he got married. When a person is invested in a relationship, it takes a lot of time for them to heal from a breakup and move on. But if he moved on at lightning speed after breaking up with you, then it is one of the sure-shot signs he never loved you in the first place.
16. He manipulated you
In your relationship with your man, did it always feel like his word was the law? That if you disagreed on any matter, you were cajoled or emotionally blackmailed to do his bidding? Did he say things along the lines of “That never happened, it was all in your head”? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then you should know he never loved you, in fact, he was manipulating you to suit his needs. This kind of toxic behavior is seen in people who draw their power from controlling others. Such people don’t love their partners. They love the power they get from controlling you. Being in a relationship with a person like this will always feel like unrequited love.
17. He showed no interest in the real you
The most obvious sign that a guy loves you is that he will make an effort to know who you are as a person. He will want to know your likes and dislikes. What makes you squeal with pleasure and what your pet peeves are. He’d want to know what hurts you so that he never crosses that line. But a guy who has never loved you will not care about any of this. He takes what you give. Demand that you are always mindful of his needs instead of your own. He will make no effort at all to build a deep connection with you.
18. He was critical of you all the time
When you are in a relationship with someone you love, for the first few months, you are so into each other that you’re blinded to your partner’s flaws. This is called the honeymoon period. During this time couples are completely besotted with each other. If your boyfriend was always critical of you – even during the honeymoon phase of your relationship – then I’m afraid he never really loved you. When you love someone, you do try to help them be a better version of themselves so sometimes you do point out each other’s flaws but you also help each other up and are proud and supportive of each other. But if your boyfriend is constantly trying to bring you down and erode your self-confidence, then that is one of the signs he never loved you.
How To Accept He Never Loved You
When you have invested so much time, effort, and emotions into a relationship, watching it disintegrate into a million pieces is extremely painful. You loved that guy from the bottom of your heart and now you can’t get over the “he never loved me, just used me” thought out of your head. It is undoubtedly one of the most painful experiences one can go through. But here is the thing. A better man would have known the value of what he had and treasured you till the end of time. But he was not that man. And you deserve better. You deserve to feel loved. Your thoughts and opinions matter. And a man who really loves you will support your dreams and wishes. Any man who is not able to do that for you, who makes you feel unloved, who does things to keep you feeling left out, who doesn’t make you feel safe and secure, is toxic and you are better off being single than being in an unhealthy relationship that eats you up on the inside. You deserve more. You deserve better.
How To Get Over A Man Who Never Loved You
Getting over someone is never easy, especially if you were completely dedicated to that person and he didn’t reciprocate that love and care. If he treated you poorly, then he must have dented your self-esteem and confidence. But you’re a queen, and you can straighten your crown, put this hurtful experience behind you, and set out to conquer the world. To help you in this pursuit, below are some of the ways you can get over a man who never loved you.
1. Cry it out
Relationship failures are a part of life. Don’t hold back or suppress your emotions. You will have to learn how to move on without closure. Acknowledge that your heart has been trampled on and have a good cry. Once you are done crying, cut him off. Block him everywhere and get rid of the things that remind you of him.
2. Acceptance is the key
You need to accept the fact that you two are over, done, finito. It is okay to stay single for a while. Tell yourself that you’re better off without him. When that person didn’t need you or want you, why do you want to waste your time, energy, and emotions pining for him? The next time you feel like calling or texting him, stop for a moment and think of the ways he made you feel miserable. Do you want to be a slave to a person who doesn’t care about you? It’s better to swallow the urge and try to move on.
3. Distract yourself
Breakups are difficult. You need to distract yourself from bad thoughts during this phase. Pick up a hobby. Travel. Meet your family and friends. Work out. Go jogging. Learn things about yourself from past relationships. There are so many things you can do to distract yourself.
4. Go to therapy
If you’re struggling to move on, Seeking professional help is the best way to deal with the situation. A skilled mental health expert will not only help you get to the root of your issues but also equip you with tools to work through them and break unhealthy patterns. If you are looking for professional help, Bonobology’s panel of experienced counselors is only a click away. The only thing you need to keep in mind is, it wasn’t you. It was him. Be determined and focus on becoming a stronger person. You need to believe that you will find love again. Get back out there in the dating pool. After all, there is plenty of fish in the sea. Now, go fish! This article has been updated in October, 2022
